Tuesday, March 16, 2010

The ASS is not U, it's ME

So last weekend I did something I swore I would never, ever, ever do. I ASSUMED.

Some of you may remember my rant about people assuming BumpMister and I were just putting off having a baby for selfish reasons, during which I oh-so-astutely spat:

Making a wrong assumption about someone can swiftly and uncomfortably escalate into a shame spiral: You feel embarrassed when you recognize your misstep, the person you assumed to understand feels more embarrassed at your faulty belief, and in turn their embarrassment makes you feel even worse.

Well, yeah. It's true. But this time I was the one splattered at the bottom of the shame spiral. Here's what went down...

I was at College Roomie Rachel's shower, basking in the glory of my own newly exposed pregnancy. There were baby bumps everywhere. Everyone seemed to positively glow. The whole world was shades of pink and yellow. (Ok, ok, maybe I had on pregnancy-colored glasses or something.)

As I popped my fifth finger sandwich in my mouth, one of Rachel's childhood friends came and sat by my side. "I just heard your news. Congratulations!"

"Thank you, I'm so excited," I gushed ... And then, before I knew it, the following bomb escaped my mouth:

"Are you pregnant too?"

Friend O'Rachel turned purple. And that's when I knew I had made a horrible, horrible mistake.

"Me? Oh no, no, no." She held up her hand. "I'm not even married, so that wouldn't be good."

My mouth went dry. The finger sandwich dangled an inch from my lips. And I really almost started to cry. But instead, I was able to spew out this gem:

"Oh. Oh my god, I'm so sorry. It's just that... I have the same dress."

I know. Brilliant.

Friend O'Rachel, still as purple as an eggplant, tried to move on. She asked me a few more questions, during which time I think I just stared at her blankly, willing her to dissolve in a puff of smoke. And then she finally walked away.

I don't know what came over me. I still can't believe I assumed this poor girl was pregnant with no knowledge of her life or situation at all. And I can't stop thinking about how horrible I must have made her feel.

But the dress did scream Motherhood Maternity.